I’ve been banned from watching crime shows

1 Mar



I’ve been banned from watching crime shows by my husband.

Crime shows are my obsession. My favourites are 48 Hours and Crime Investigation Australia and new episodes call for special snacks, dimmed lights and blankets in front of the TV.

My husband suggested I start watching different shows when I started casting suspicious looks in his direction during episodes where spouses had ‘gotten rid of’ their significant others.

“Honey, you know you can just divorce me if you want to,” I’d randomly commented.

“Huh?” he responded.

“I mean, you don’t ever have to kill me or anything. Just divorce me.”

Silence…the sound of incredulity…more silence…

I consider these shows research. Never get married, divorced, have an affair, argue over a will or start a business with a partner and you should pretty much be okay. Oh, and don’t travel or win a lot of money. There. Easy.

I’m not sure why I’m so obsessed with these shows. I suppose I’m fascinated about how lives can go so dramatically wrong. There you are with a family, a job and then something pulls the rug out from under you. Somebody goes missing, someone is murdered or somebody defrauds you of mountains of cash. Who needs movies when we have real life drama like this?

And my obsession extends to shows about people losing a lot of money like American Greed and any documentary about Bernie Madoff. My favourite films this year have been Arbitrage and Margin Call and I try very hard not to make enemies or invest in anything.


“You’re not paranoid if it’s really happening” a wise man once spoke. So true. These things happen. And I’m more than happy to watch these cautionary tales. But I might keep my comments to myself, and change my life insurance policy to a trust for my children.

Oh, and be really nice to my in-laws. And strangers. And co-workers.

Okay, maybe I do need a ban. But then I’m banning him from quiz shows. Answering the questions yourself and then smiling smugly – annoying much?!?




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