What was I thinking?

11 Mar


I’m not sure quite what I was thinking when I thought enrolling in uni was a good idea. I suppose one of my motivations was the fact I had been thinking about it for years and waiting until I had time. Then I woke up and realised I’d never have more time to study. Just like you never have enough money to start having kids so you may as well just do it, you may as well just enroll and figure it out as you go along.

I have enrolled in my Masters in Creative Writing which sounds pretty exciting. I am doing two subjects – Creative Writing which is an absolute pleasure and joy. Literary Theory – not so much. If I listened to the lecture for Literary Theory ten times I still wouldn’t completely understand it. I find myself typing words into Google to find out their meaning and then missing the next point. It’s like she’s speaking a different language. I feel like I need to do a course to learn how to do Literary Theory. I feel like I’ve missed a step.

In Creative Writing I enthusiastically post opinions and pieces of my writing. In Literary Theory I stall, I hesitate, I begin with..”I’m not sure if this is relevant…” or “I may have missed the point…” or “I might need to read this a few more times..”. I feel like I’m trying to walk though mud. I feel so totally out of my depth that I really could cry.

It’s only been two weeks but I can’t imagine it getting easier. I can, however imagine it getting a lot harder.

I know I’m just freaking out and I’ll probably figure it out. I will probably do pretty well in Creative Writing. If I just ‘pass’ Literary Theory I will throw a party.

La Dolce Vita – Jo Abi

2 Responses to “What was I thinking?”

  1. mewj March 11, 2012 at 7:55 am #

    You will make it. I felt the same way when I entered school to complete my undergrad after 30 years!!! But here I am just two semesters shy of earning a Masters of Divinity. Yah!!! So, please do not give up. You can do it. Your a woman and we rock!!!


  2. Jo March 18, 2012 at 2:58 pm #

    Thanks so much! Congratulations! I will persevere..this week has been easier for some reason so I just might be getting the hang of it!!


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