Lost keys!

18 Feb

I had the perfect start to my day today. I woke up early and exercised. I bathed the kids (because I was too tired to do it last night) and my eldest had a shower. We were all dressed and clean and ate a healthy breakfast together. I cleaned the house. It looked beautiful. I packed my work bag and was getting ready to drop the kids off at my sister’s house for the afternoon when I remembered that my little girl had been playing with my car keys the night before. I grabbed my handbag and tipped everything onto the floor – not there. I looked in her little bike where she had been playing – not there. I looked in her Dora backpack – not there. My vision went blurry. I knew they were lost. My morning – in mere seconds – had turned to shit.

It’s not her fault they are lost. Since we’ve had toddlers in our lives my sister and I have lost three sets of keys, her brand new mobile and other countless items like school hats and toys. Most items turn up eventually. This morning I had about fifteen minutes to search and then I had to call my sister to pick us all up so I could get to work. I am at work now writing down a list of places to look when I get home. I have previously found my keys in the pantry, the washing machine, the bin, the fridge, in the kids bags, under the lounge and once I found them next to the toilet (I like to think they never made it into the actual bowl).

My sister bought us key-tracking devices once. They attach to our keys and when we lose them we clap and they beep – keys found! These key-tracking devices were not designed for Italians. Every time I spoke or the kids played they beeped. “Dinner’s ready”…beep, “Go back to bed”…beep, “Stop kicking your brother”…beep, “Why don’t you ever help me put the kids to bed”…beep, “I’m not in the mood tonight”…beep.

My sister lasted a day with hers before she smashed it and put it in the bin. I put mine in my glove box with plans to throw it away too. It beeped at me for a month before I actually threw it away. I told the kids we had to speak quietly in the car in the morning so the alarm didn’t go off. By the time we got to school drop-off it had beeped at us several times. Quiet communication is as foreign to me as having one bite of cake and leaving the rest for later.

My sister once found my keys in a draw in her office after I’d walked home with the kids. Her phone never turned up and I looked for weeks. It must have gone into the bin or the toilet. My husband’s Gucci watch never turned up – bin or toilet. I found a set of keys once when I moved house…but I really need to find my keys today!

I don’t have a spare. The spare is long gone…a victim of my desire for five minute of peace and quiet while the kids played. And she was so cute last night. I’d taken them off her a couple of times but she kept going to my handbag. She put on my sunglasses, got my car keys, put her back pack on her back, hopped on her pink ride-on toy and said, “Bye Mum, shopping.”

If I had asked her for my keys last night she would have remembered and gotten them for me but she’s two-and-a-half so by this morning she has no idea where she left them. I tried to stay calm. I was breathing hard trying to control my anger (at myself) and I was talking to myself. My four-year-old son started saying, “Oh my God, where are they”, mimicking me. It would have been cute had I not felt so stressed. I yelled once at Caterina when asking her where they were. She started crying, my son hugged her and said, “Say sorry Mum”. When we got to my sister’s house my son told her that his room was such a mess. And that’s the other thing. Not only do I not have my keys, not only did I scare my kids with my panic, but I also have to go home to a trashed house. I emptied everything and still no keys.

I texted my husband saying, “Don’t freak out when u get home. We haven’t been robbed. I lost my keys. Still looking.”

So tonight after a six hour shift at work I get to go home, get the kids ready for bed and instead of cleaning the kitchen and collapsing in exhaustion I will be on my hands and knees all night cleaning and looking for my keys at the same time. If I find them I will CELEBRATE – by collapsing in exhaustion. If I don’t find them…perish the thought – my husband will probably find me in the morning asleep, with my face planted into the carpet, my hand still under the lounge when I’d been searching when sleep claimed me at 4am.

Who is the saint I pray to for lost items…Saint Michael or Saint Anthony? I’ll pray to both. Unless they come down and help me search, I’m not sure my prayers will actually work.

I’ll let you know when I find them, if I find them. (No! Confidence Jo!) I’ll let you know WHEN I find them, probably some place obvious and silly like in a shoe or in the fruit bowl. And when I find them I will buy a hook and hang them on the side of my fridge like my sister has been suggesting for the past three years. In positive new I did find my missing earring this morning and the spare DS charger I’ve been looking for. And 5 cents.

La Dolce Vita – Jo Abi

One Response to “Lost keys!”

  1. joabiadmin February 19, 2012 at 7:29 am #

    My mum found them for me that night – behind the kids art studio – where I didn’t look in my mad rush! Thanks mummy.

    Like

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