Should I go back to work

6 Nov

Movies like Sarah Jessica Parker’s latest I Don’t Know How She Does It don’t hold any interest for me. Struggling to have a career and be a mother isn’t funny. It’s hard, heartbreaking, conflicting and soul-destroying.

I always thought I would be a working mum. I thought I could find balance and I thought my husband was supportive of this decision. He wasn’t and after having my kids I wasn’t so sure I wanted to be away from them as often as I would need to be.

Having children is a blessing. I thank God for them every day. But does that mean I don’t get to work? Is being a stay-at-home mum best for them? What about what is best for me?

I have two boys and a daughter. My little girl is 2 and since having her, my desire to go back to work has been stronger than ever before. That’s because I find myself wanting to be someone she can look up to and admire. I want her to see me as a successful, happy woman. I want her to see that she can talk to me about her life, how to balance everything. I want to become the kind of woman I one day want her to be.

Every couple of years I am offered a job that is very difficult to turn down. I have turned down four jobs so far since having children. This latest job offer is the one I have considered most seriously and I am so conflicted.

If I go back to work it will be a sacrifice for my family. The financial benefit is minmal. It will be difficult to adjust. It’s an inflexible job and leaving to tend to family emergencies will be difficult. But I may not find a job this good again. I have no idea what to do and no one to advise me as to what to do. I have never felt more alone. I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.

So I think I’ll give this movie a miss. I don’t think having to lie about why you are running late for work is funny. I don’t think missing out on important moments in my children’s lives is fodder. I read the book years ago and felt quick sick the entire time. I felt so sad for her and her children. I could see everyone’s point-of-view but what was the solution? Where was the balance? And how can mother’s stop feeling so alone in the dilemma.

La Dolce Vita – Jo Abi

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