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What Whitney means to me

18 Feb

I worked a lot over Christmas. I am a TV and radio traffic reporter in my other life and over Christmas I was doing traffic for WS FM. For some reason Whitney Houston’s brilliant hit single “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” came on two days in a row and my fellow traffic reporter Susannah was laughing at me because each time it came on I would turn the volume up. I love this song so much. To me this song is about the desire for love, romance and the intoxicating experience of dancing with someone special. I used to be a DJ at parties too and always made sure I played this song. It’s one of a handful of songs that makes me feel happy in an instant.

I was at a hospital visiting my sister and newborn nephew when I found out Whitney Houston had died. I was so shocked and saddened, but not surprised. As a former radio announcer it always disturbed me how insecure some celebrities turned out to be upon meeting them. I was never lucky enough to interview Whitney but I knew enough as we all did to know her life wasn’t a fairytale.

Listening to all the reports and media surrounding her death it sounds like her life was more of a nightmare, with glimpses of happiness when she was performing or when she was with her daughter. She should have had it all. She should have been happy. She should have been happy, confident, in control, substance-abuse free and free of all the people who contributed to her very muddled and complicated life. I watched her Oprah interview. I didn’t believe her. I felt sad watching it. I didn’t believe her marriage wasn’t as abusive as it seemed. I didn’t believe she had it all figured out as she tried to make it seem. It felt like she wasn’t in the good place she was describing but that she wished she was. The Oprah interview seemed like she was talking about the Whitney she wanted to be.

She should have been aging but beautiful. She should still be able to sing well.  She should be performing, spending time with her family and friends and her beautiful daughter. She should be a fading star who was happy to be fading because she was so proud of her achievements and enjoying being a mother. We would all still be enjoying her music and feeling happy knowing she was somewhere out there still singing and performing and living her life.

Tragedy and scandal might be excellent PR for some stars but it’s those who seem to stay away from such coverage that I admire the most. I wish she had found her way. She had such a loving family. I wish she had the gift peace and happiness as a state of being instead of it being fleeting. I think the happiest and most successful women – celebrity or not – are strong. They can turn away from men who are bad from them, manage their lives, health and money well and with confidence and intelligence. They look after themselves. They run their lives like a business and the business is peace and happiness. They don’t listen to the negativity and they don’t let negative people affect them. If I take anything from this tragedy and the many others that have ended in a wasted life I teach my daughter that she is the only one who can steer her ship and it is her right and responsibility to get rid of any and all negativity from her life. She is in control of her life and her health. They key to happiness is really about being in control.

I’m not the only one who has been crying in the car listening to “I Will Always Love You”. I have watched “The Bodyguard” movie three times this week. I haven’t listened to “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” yet. It won’t make me happy anymore. It will make me determined though to make the decisions that are best for me and my family, regardless of anything and anyone who tries to affect this. RIP Whitney. RIP and I wish it had been different for you and I hope your daughter learns from the lessons of your death.  There are so many rumours…she was broke, she had throat cancer, she couldn’t sing anymore, she was abusing medication. I hope she can free herself of all of this. Whitney Houston was a beautiful, talented woman with a daughter and she died too soon. These are the only truths that matter. The rest is now history.

La Dolce Vita – Jo Abi

Is it Deborah Hutton’s fault I feel fat?

4 Jan

I buy Women’s Weekly religiously. I am so excited when I see the latest edition on the shelf and I sometimes buy three…one for me, one for my sister and one for my mum. As a woman I appreciate that it gives me the perfect blend of food, clothes, body and news issues to keep me happy. I often clear my afternoon so I can read it from front to back at least once and then I dip in and out over the following weeks until the next edition arrives.

When I saw Deborah Hutton on the cover I was so excited to go home and read the article. As a woman of reasonable intelligence I am aware of the fact that most magazine pictures are retouched in some way, some more than others. I am also aware of makeup, lighting, hairspray and spray tans. I also knew that there was no way Deborah Hutton would ever let anyone re-touch her too much because she has always struck me as a down-to-earth Aussie woman who is not only beautiful but is aware of the many issues surrounding woman and their self-worth. Because she is a woman and no matter how beautiful or accomplished, every woman has their issues.

So why all the drama? Deborah Hutton is beautiful, but why does that make women feel badly about themselves. Even more disturbing is the notion that Deborah Hutton has to look bad or flawed for women to feel good about themselves, as though rejoicing in Deborah’s imperfections will help them to embrace their imperfections. So to feel good about themselves, they have to feed off what they see as wrong and ugly about others. This is such an uncomfortable reflection on women. Why can’t we celebrate each other’s beauty, health and achievements? Why do we feel better when we read about failure and flaws? Is it because they makes us feel normal or is it because our own self-worth is measured against others and not just celebrities?

This certainly explains why many magazines sell so well. Kim’s marriage failed…I feel better that mine is a disaster, Christina is fat…I feel better about my weight, Nicole Kidman’s latest movie didn’t go very well…my career failures are more acceptable to me too. And it doesn’t end there. As women we are constantly sizing each other up. Is she a better mother than me? Is she thinner than me? Is she younger than me? Is she more successful than me?

Not all women are like this but many are. Those of us who are not don’t measure our self-worth against others but instead try to base it on our own internal reflections about ourselves. I am the best mother I can be, I look as good as I can manage, my weight is the best I can get it and I may never look like Deborah Hutton but boy am I going to enjoy reading all about her while I relax with coffee for thirty minutes this afternoon while my children nap.

As women, I find that we also often feel like are alone with our issues and struggles. We see someone enjoying their children and assume they never get cross or have a bad mummy day. We see a pretty girl and assume that she feels as pretty as she looks. We work with a confident colleague and assume that she never doubts herself. This is simply not the case. We all have moments, days and weeks when we feel just as badly as the next person. Take comfort in the fact that everyone struggles from time-to-time meaning we are surrounded by groups of women who understand how hard it can be to be a woman.

We are all doing our best and if not, we can always do better tomorrow. Deborah Hutton is a beautiful, successful Australian woman with a great career, no kids and fab hair. I accept her for who she is and who she is doesn’t influence how I feel about myself.

La Dolce Vita – Jo Abi

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